Left side, wrong side?

Listening to my radio station yesterday, I learned that the left side of the bed is the wrong side of the bed. It's guaranteed to increase grumpiness and bad luck. Old English superstitions support this fact--even the Romans were careful to avoid the left side.

There was a time when “the sun never set on the British Empire,” and we know what a powerhouse the Romans were. So I'm inclined to take this left-side thing seriously, although both empires did eventually fall...

I suppose left-side phobia explains why teachers transferred pencils and scissors from my left hand to my right. For years I was a closet left hander, furtively using my left hand when teachers weren’t looking. The world is more accepting now—two of my children wave their left hands with pride.

My question about bedsides? How do you know which is the left?? Judging from the foot of my bed, I sleep on the left. But, if I judge from a lying-down position, I sleep on the right.

This is truly a conundrum, obviously affecting my entire life. How do I know if I’m happy? Maybe I’ve always gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. Maybe nothing in my life is what it seems. What if my children are getting up on the wrong side of the bed? This could be an emotionally-crippling issue passed from generation to generation.

So, I’ve decided there’s only one solution—I’ll sleep in the middle of the bed and slide out the bottom, encouraging my family to do the same. I haven’t discussed this with my husband, but some things in life are worth fighting for. After all...I chose the middle first.