Monday, June 30, 2008

Embracing change


Change is a funny thing. Sometimes exhilarating, sometimes painful, sometimes a relief, sometimes poignant…sometimes all those things and more…even when we know it’s natural and for the best.

I miss my oldest son, yet I love that he’s traveling in another country, enjoying experiences he’ll never forget. He left last Thursday and will be back this weekend, having undergone changes of his own. He may not understand those changes for a while, but they’ll be there…you can’t leave home for the first time and remain unchanged.

I embrace that change, it’s natural and important for his sense of self. I also want to cry and have constant images of the little boy I held in my lap. Those feelings are natural and important for my sense of self…they’re just incredibly hard. Letting go with grace, dignity and balance is more difficult than I imagined, even though I have no desire to alter J’s path or hold him back.

My role in his life will diminish from here on out, in a natural way, just as it should…I just didn’t know it would be this painful…

3 comments:

The Marathon Man said...

We're thinking of you and sharing your feelings...I wish it helped you. See you soon.

tournesol said...

I know just how you feel. my son moved out at 19 in november to be on his own, do things his way, and I miss him so much. Friends say, "I can't wait till my kids are out" and I think, I wish my boys could stay forever! I remember them when they were young like it was yesterday (wasn't it?)

Reverie said...

It was yesterday...time goes by far too quickly regarding our children. I hope your son is close enough to visit on a regular basis :)