Saturday, February 2, 2008

Conquering fear of change

I accomplished something phenomenal today—after almost 7 years of hating the leaf border and wall color in our bedroom, I took down most of the border today. I know that sounds puny, but it’s a huge accomplishment for me. I even picked out a new paint color—am I amazing or what?

To help you truly appreciate the changes taking place, let me describe our bedroom when we moved in. The curtains, comforter and decorative pillows left by the previous owners were a floral nightmare. So many shades of red, orange and apricot, surrounded by apricot walls and a leaf border that matched nothing else.

Everything removable went to a local thrift store—I tried to garage sale the items, but potential buyers recoiled in horror. That left only the walls and border to deal with...

I’d like to think I put off this task, because we might move again. But, I have to face facts…it was pure, unadulterated fear. I’d never painted, never taken down wall paper, and all the HGTV shows in the world couldn’t pacify me.

Yes, I’m a new-experience wimp—I admit it, and about a year ago I started a 12-step program. It all began with yoga…

My friend M. kept touting the wonders of his yoga class, something I’d always wanted to try. I kept saying I’d go…I kept reneging. Finally, one Sunday morning the moment seemed right. I drove downtown, found the appropriate block, and circled it a few times, trying to decide which empty parking space best suited my mood.

Then I checked the time and realized that class had started. People would be meditating, possibly floating above the floor—I couldn’t walk in late, destroying the chi. I backed out of my parking space and started home, calling M’s wife on the way.

“Tell M. that I tried to come this morning, but I don’t want to walk in late and disturb everyone.” I was starting to relax—it was a really good excuse.

“Don’t worry about it, the class doesn’t usually start on time and other people always arrive late.”

Of course, that would be her answer, I thought. Why does life have to fork with me? OK, the fork thing I just added for color.

Guilt grabbed the steering wheel, and I found myself back at the yoga studio…in a different parking space more suited to my descending mood. I marched into the building, head high, heart pounding, and….enjoyed one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I met incredible people, discovered a level of relaxation I didn’t know existed and signed up for a writing class that virtually rocked my world.

So, now I’m finally redecorating our bedroom and loving it—who knew life was so full of possibilities? My husband has talked about cleaning and reorganizing our garage for 20 years—I think I’ll take him to yoga class next week…


Anonymous said...


For a writer with "issues" chi...
you must have good karma 2!
Here's to guilt & garages !!!

The Marathon Man said...

I like the relief that the really good excuse brought...been there.
At least his wife answered and you couldn't leave a message...karma.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic on the room renovaion- I know how much it has bothered you, besides paint is only paint and slobber happens.. C